It’s never enough, is it?

It’s beyond definable or explicable how ecstatic I was when I found out that I got into both UCSB and LMU. My parents welcomed the news of UCSB with a small amount of “Congratulations!” — more like somewhat relieved that their daughter finally got into a university, worthy of a decent caliber. 

Then, yesterday, I heard from LMU that I was accepted.
And my parents were happy for me for maybe 2 minutes…
and then naturally, concerns about tuition and finances were thrown at me.


I understand that money is a gravely humongous factor, when it comes to deciding which school one wants to go or has to attend.

But my parents are saying that if I got into USC, they would do whatever it took to help me get through… which of course, I am ever so grateful for and will find a way to pay them back later, somehow. 

But… they can’t do the same for LMU?
Why? Because they don’t think it’s worth it.

They’re playing games with my mind right now — telling me that I should go visit UCSB and LMU once more and come back and decide… which is a smart thing to do, but I just know that they’re going to tell me bad news. 

And I’m not upset at them for thinking they can’t provide for LMU.
No, I’m upset that they encouraged me to apply to LMU.
I’m upset that my dad did research and realized what the perks of attending LMU was… which influenced me further in deciding LMU just might be the school for me.

Why would you push someone to work toward something and as soon as she receives it, you tell her that she can’t have it? 

I still haven’t fully committed to either schools, especially with the lingering undecided status of USC. But this is giving me headaches and agitating me beyond belief. Every time they mention college talk to me now, I just get turned off and want to exit the room.

Funny how I was so excited about all the other days prior to this rude and abrupt disturbance in my plans… and now I’m seriously fucking dreading any sort of college nonsense.

I don’t mean to sound selfish at all.
I just don’t understand the logic behind of all this.
What the fuck was the point of me busting my ass off, stressing over personal statements, applications, and shit like that… if I might not even be able to reap the rewards for my deeds? 

I’ve been waiting 3 years to finally be accepted by a university that I’d actually like to attend. And now that I have, I should be happy. But I guess you can’t have it all, right? Ugh, fuck… for once, I wish some issues of great personal value would just fucking work out in my favor. 

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lookbookdotnu: WE CAN STAY UP LATE, SWAPPING OLD STORIES. (by Karin Bylund) Love the look, colors, and her long ass legs & hair.
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akosieica: Date a Girl Who Reads Date a girl who reads. Date that someone who has a collection of books rather than a collection of designer clothes. She wants to go on an unlimited adventure by reading another creative fictitious novel or another romantic tear-jerker from Nicholas Sparks.  Find a girl who reads, that someone who spends her vacant hours at school inside the library. She is that person who owns a local library card ever since she was ten. You can often find her inside the bookstore, looking at the new titles shelf. She quietly cries whenever she finds the perfect book or the book she was looking for ever since. She is that person who wants to wait inside the coffee shop and just read. She is lost on the make-believe world the author has written for her. Sit down next to her, then she might give you this weird look because she never wants to be interrupted. Ask her about the book, whether if she liked it or not. Buy her a cup of coffee. She is that someone who enjoys a long bus ride but doesn’t mind the jittery ride and just continues to read, unmindful of all the guys that want to talk to her. Don’t disturb her now, you might be ignored by her forever. Get her books for her birthday, for New Year’s or even Valentine’s as well. She will never be able to complain. Don’t forget about the books she listed on her wish list for Christmas. Her life resembles on her favorite book. It’s probably the only thing that she understands. Disappoint her, because a girl who reads knows that the ointment to disappointment are books. You don’t need to always be there for her. Giving her a book will remind her of your presence. Don’t be something that you are not, to her. She knows well that people are like characters. It takes them time to grow. If you find a girl who reads, keep her away from society, for she is a prized catch. If you find her depressed for days together, ask her about the title of the book that she read. Understand what the story meant to her and hold her. She needs it very badly. She may not cry, but her hug will speak a thousand words, and her smile will make your day. Propose to her – with a bookmark. She will understand. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. She can make your life colorful and yet make you feel grounded. Don’t tempt her with vices of the material world, they mean nothing to her. Show her the way to the world of books and she will show you the way to her heart. Although to some, I may not seem like so.This piece speaks to me beyond just mere comprehension.I’m not saying that anyone should date me; that’s besides the point.This idea that the only thing I probably understand are the stories in books and that I get excited when I find the perfect book that I’ve been searching for…. this idea that I await this magical world that the author has written out for me to venture off into… this idea that I can differentiate phoniness versus authenticity because of the avid exposure to a wild variety of character development… this idea that spending time in a coffee shop with a book can be one of the greatest rewards in the world… this idea that I start seeing the world through literature-hued spectacles…but mostly, this idea that life is both very colorful and something very real that requires very real decisions and  responsibilities… These are all the magic of a book. And so much more. 
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90skidandcompany: Still my favorite couple — Chanis/Jandler
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clean.
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cuntslife: This is dope Mm,could you imagine being absolutely immersed into the ocean? Letting it reach all the crevices of your body, of your head, of your soul? I find it so peculiar how some would find this experience completely liberating, like I would… and yet others would find themselves utterly lost in a state of immense trepidation.Liberation versus trepidation.There’s something of substance there..Just reading those two words there..One may argue the fact that it is terrifying because of the possibilities of drowning, being eaten by a shark, and so forth. Meanwhile, the other side would argue that one will hardly ever find themselves, floating in a body of water… in complete silence and the global world becomes this personal microcosm.. it is as if in that instant that the world stops and all power is bestowed upon you. If you do not want to think about that person that hurt you so badly, let it leak out of your brain like water does a broken faucet… and lose any visage of its existence - water entering water… how brilliantly perfect! It’s all about perspective, my friends. You see the ocean as one thing, while I see it as another.It may be because of personal experiences with this great mass of liquid… someone may have known someone who drowned… like my father knew someone and someone else may have dreamed that they were a graceful dolphin, jumping and flipping around… like I did as a child.And the fact that I imagined thoughts as blobs of water — muddied, dirt water that is — shows how I perceive parts of my life. Everything is liquid… yes, some blobs may appear dirtier than others, but with a body of water as big as the ocean I envision myself in… eventually, the dirt will disintegrate and the natural cycle of elements will take care of everything. The ocean’s raw materials will help renew my thoughts… fill up the void my former thoughts had held with pure and lucid H2O. Imagine a world without the element of water.Impossible, right? That was a hard question.Haha, but honestly.. the ocean holds so many secrets, visions, perspectives..So, that even if you are scared of it or dislike it for whatever reason, it will always be ready to offer you something different… any time you come and visit. One day, it may help me face the anger within me… and another, it may bring me love. If you did not like the ocean at first, you may have met it at a very strange time in your life. Very Fight-Club-esque is such a thought, but it holds so much truth. Just like the ocean, people encounter other individuals at certain times in each others’ lives. You may meet a person and find them refreshing or rather… very aloof and reserved. I guess we all just have to keep in mind that people are innately dynamic. Most of us are relentlessly changing shape.. we may still remain the same square we were born, but our edges are becoming slightly more jagged or rounded. Also, we must remember that everyone has their own set of spectacles that they view life through. As similar as others may be to you or even different from you… we all have our own set of unique experiences, upbringings, opinions, and so forth. I know it is fucking difficult to keep one’s mouth shut, grin, and try to practice patience and respect… but it’s gotta be done or else.. we end up dismantling the whole natural order of things, leaving it absolutely futile to preserve anything at all. If we can’t focus on one thing, how can we focus on all the numerous aspects of our lives?  
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lookbookdotnu: Django Django - Storm (by Patrycja Kieliszek) Mm, me gusta.
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I have a special place in my heart for hot-air balloons. Don’t ask why.. Because just like with red umbrellas, fire escapes, odd numbers, and the Eiffel Tower, it’s all so incredibly inexplicable.
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hahaha, hilarious how sarcasm works so well. mmph, take some time to read this y’all.  
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[Flash 10 is required to watch video]
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angry rant: i highly dislike school. oh, and also stupid customers..

fuck your shit. 

today was such shit…fjsdakakfjlsfd

and i can’t even get any sleep b/c i have a paper due tomorrow.
fuck this.
and fuck customers who yell at cashiers b/c they lose their belongings, like their iPads..
how is that even my fault? you left your shit around, not me.
also, fuck customers who continue to ask the same questions, when i’ve said that i’m not allowed to do such things on their order.

lastly, fuck all you who think you know what’s going on.
fuck all you judgin’ my situations.
fuck all you judgin’ my actions.
did i ever ask for your fucking opinion?

no, right? then stop fucking wasting your time/breath and be productive in other aspects of your life. you’ve already filled up your shadiness-quota for the month… it’s overflowing. control your shit.

i’m cursing a lot tonight.
and i honestly don’t give a damn.
so enraged and irritated.
i cannot wait to sleep. 

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peruvian-diego: YES One of the best movies and eras ever.Truth: I often get ready to go out listening to the Grease soundtrack. F’yeah!
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Rockin’ a buttoned up collar shirt to work today! New Aztec plugs as well :-) p.s. I hate the length of my hair -_- (Taken with instagram)
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plain tee, leather pants with sizppers, arm trinkets & a simple ring. ideal.
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